how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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