Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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