i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
