Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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