So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
