Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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