I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
