the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
