I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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