Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
