So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
