My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
