you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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