I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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