i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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