....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
