Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
