i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
