Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
