I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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