I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
