there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
