You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
