She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
