Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
