Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i drank out of a bidet.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
