Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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