I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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