Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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