he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize