He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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