Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
