You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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