my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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