I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
