i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
