Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
