Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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