I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
