Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
