i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
