I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
