god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
