apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
