There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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