ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
