WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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