My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize