reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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