How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
