Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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