she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
