you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
