Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
