Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
