I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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