He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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