Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize