just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
