My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
