her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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