Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
