We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
