Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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